CHARLIE SHEEN -THE GREATEST LOSS OF ALL: his marriages, his kids, his show or his mental health?
Everyone is transfixed by what is happening with Charlie Sheen. In many ways it is like watching a train wreck, and it is hard to turn away. Some clinical speculation about what we’re seeing with his behavior has been the suggestion of the ravages of drug addiction or an untreated bipolar episode. While all this may be true, there is also something else going on which, to me, looks like unbridled narcissism in full fury.
The go-to definition of narcissism is thinking only of oneself. However, when you use the word narcissist you are really making a much bigger statement. A narcissist is not only selfish but actually lacks the ability to think of anyone else. In addition, most narcissists are masters at turning things around so they are always the ones being wronged, and they somehow make it appear that they are doing you a favor by letting you make it up to them even if it was their fault. They are typically self-righteous and have an exaggerated sense of entitlement that leads them to believe they deserve everything and more. When they don’t get what they want, they get angry and their rage knows no bounds.
The epitome of this is a specific personality type that in my book, What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship, I call an ultimate controller. Their slogan is “it’s all about me;” how great they are, how successful they are, how they know more than anyone and how they are better than everyone else. Charlie certainly brings this to life. We see this in his public tirades on Twitter and his webcast “Sheen’s Korner,” along with his declaration of “winning.” Ultimate controllers have little if any empathy for their significant others. Charlie has shown no remorse for the price his wife, children, bosses or his colleagues whose professional lives have now been put on hold have had to pay because of his actions. For ultimate controller’s, when their needs aren’t met they are quick to get mad and attempt to control others with their anger to intimidate so they get their way. All of this comes through loud and clear with Charlie’s reported death threats, along with his talk about trolls, fastballs and tiger blood.
However, because Charlie is such a money-generating celebrity he has been able to make his narcissism work for him. Not only has he side-stepped many of the consequences of his bad behavior, he has, in fact, been able to glorify it. As a result, his out of control antics actually perpetuate his image as “the quintessential bad boy.”
Ultimate controllers view their partners as objects, not as people with real needs and feelings. In Charlie’s world it seems that everything is replaceable. He acts like women are disposable, now living with two women who he calls his goddesses. His loss has been a steady progression: with his recent filing for divorce from his third wife Brooke Mueller; her restraining order brought against him (his second); his at-least temporarily losing custody of his twin boys ( he already lost custody of his two young girls), and his very public firing from the hit show Two and a Half Men. He has been unable to hold onto anything. It appears that even the pursuit of custody of his children is not truly about their well-being, but rather what he needs to do to prove he is the winner and come out on top.
The bottom line is that an ultimate controller cannot and will never hear the voices and needs of those around him. To try to get him to is likely to lead to frustration, disappointment and unhappiness. This is what each of his wives realized, and why they ultimately reached the point of no return, knowing that they needed to get out of their marriages. The irony is that despite all that he’s lost, given his sold-out shows across the country the one thing he is indeed the winner at is being the best narcissist around.
Posted May 3, 2011 in Daily Buzz
