Quarreling with your guy? Not only is it normal, it’s healthy!

“…This study supports past research about the benefits of anger. A study conducted by the University of California at Santa Barbara showed when people argue, they make better decisions, because anger triggers the brain to ignore outside distractions and focus on the matter at hand.

“It’s true that anger can motivate you to makes changes in your relationship, but it all depends on how you use it,” says Jane Greer, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist in New York City. “The key is to cool off first so you don’t say something you’ll regret. Instead, take a step back and ask yourself, Why am I so angry? How can we both fix this? When you use your anger to problem solve–not lash out–you’ll feel in control of your decisions and in turn more optimistic about your union.”

And here’s the best news: As time goes by, things do look up. In the study, young married people (ages 20-30) had the most conflict in their relationship, while older couples had the least negativity. Why? “Over time, couples learn to work around each other’s quirks. His habits may still annoy you, but your acceptance level and conflict-resolution skills improve,” says Greer…” ~ read the entire article here.

July 27th, 2008