A relationship expert explains why this is the best thing you could do for your sex life.

Many of us get into the bad habit of letting our kids come in and sleep with us whenever they want to, simply because we can’t (or won’t) tell them no. “What’s wrong with having our child get in bed with us after she’s had a nightmare or something?”, you may ask. Well, nothing. But she shouldn’t be able to just walk in whenever she feels like it. Dr. Jane Greer, a marriage and family therapist in New York City and host of the radio show Doctor On Call, explains.

“There’s a lot of parental guilt associated with the bedroom,” notes Dr. Greer. “People feel they must be unconditionally available to their kids, to the point that they get anxious at the idea of having a locked door separate them. But it’s really important that you don’t let your guilt stop you from buying a lock and using it whenever there’s a chance that you might have sex.”

If you don’t, Dr. Greer says that two things could quite easily happen:
1) You’ll be disturbed – Some night you might look over mid-coitus and see a kid in footie pajamas staring at you, wide-eyed.
2) You’ll be distracted – You won’t be able to let go and get into the sex because part of you will be worrying that the previous scenario will happen at any second.

“Parents are the foundation of the family,” says Greer. “So it’s crucial that you and your husband put boundaries in place to protect your bond–and your privacy. Boundaries are healthy! Just explain to the kids that sometimes mom and dad need grown-up alone time. Most kids will understand that. Your reward will be a decent roll in the hay: Knowing that your kids can’t intrude will help you relax and release internally, so you can really enjoy yourself and get into the sex.”

November 24th, 2008