…I talked to two different therapists for help … and this is what they had to say…

“…
1. Momlogic’s Dr. Shannon Fox says “being with someone who cares more about the relationship than the alcohol is crucial.” Sit him down, and tell him his drinking hurts you, and ask him to stop. His reaction alone is a good gauge as to where he stands.

2. Family and marriage therapist Dr. Jane Greer says “avoid pointing the finger. When you talk to him, make it about ‘us or we,’ not ‘you.’ For example, instead of saying ‘I think you have an alcohol problem,’ say ‘The drinking is creating a problem in our relationship, what should we do?’”

3. Don’t become the “mom” (aka alcohol police). Make an agreement that if he drinks too much and you are both out, that you will head home alone. You have to take care of you!

4. Saying “the drinking is spilling onto our relationship, and I am starting to get turned off,” allows him the decision on how to proceed without you telling him what to do. No one wants to be told they are a turn-off.

5. If your partner has been drinking, do not bring it up while he is drunk. It will only lead to combustion, says Dr. Greer. Nine times out of ten, it will create more conflict.

Though this problem seems bigger than the sky, I can only start with talking to him. I know now to stay calm and share my feelings. The rest … is up to him.

Dr. Jane Greer is a family/marriage therapist and lives in NYC. She’s on call at healthylife.net” ~

October 25th, 2008