Why would a mother sleep with her daughter’s boyfriend?

“…What the heck is going on here?

“These are very extreme cases of mother-daughter rivalry, however it’s somewhat common for mothers to experience jealousy toward their children,” says Jane Greer, Ph.D., a marriage and family therapist in New York City. “These moms are saying, ‘I’m just as pretty and desirable as you. We’re on the same level–and I might even be better.’”

How does this happen? “Mothers can become competitive with their daughters if they were denied affection or affirmation by their own mothers, and as a result, they seek validation through their children,” says Greer. “They see their daughters as a ‘better’ version of them and view their kid’s accomplishments as a personal loss for them–not a gain for their offspring.”

What’s more, if the husband dotes on his daughter, it can fuel the mother’s drive to feel important. Even worse, if the daughter is an only child, the competition may be fiercer because the mother can blur–and sometimes void–the parent-child lines altogether. And if the child has no parental authority, she in turn will start to view herself as her mother’s equal and continue the cycle.

That said, we’re all human and it’s only natural to feel occasional pangs of jealousy toward a sibling, friend, co-worker, and yes, even a daughter. What’s important, says Dr. Greer, is how those feelings of envy are channeled. Instead of internalizing the child’s fortune as a personal attack, Greer says moms should view their kid’s success in a vacuum–it’s about the daughter and nobody else. Mothers should feel proud of the role they played in their children’s lives and share in their success, not steal it. Then focus on personal goals and taking steps to boost their self-esteem through counseling…” ~ read the entire article here.

July 10th, 2008