When a relationship ends in anger, it is typical to think that once the split has taken place the couple will then be able to get along better. The reality, though, is that frequently the anger simply spills over into the next phase of your interaction. In other words, your union may be over but the fury can live on, especially when the two people are no longer even attempting to work as a team.When children are involved, it is harder. Those negative feelings of rage can ignite further when dealing with custody arrangements. Depending on what is agreed upon, it is likely that each parent will have some time away from the child or children. During that time, the absent parent might worry about their well-being, whether it has to do with food, clothes or safety. While the child is in the other parent’s care, they must give up control. With that in mind, it is not surprising that the acrimony can reach a boiling point. Another issue might be gaining access to the child. For some time now, Berry has sought permission to move to France with Nahla and Olivier Martinez, to get away from the aggressive American paparazzi. But a judge hasn’t allowed it as it would limit Aubry’s ability to see Nahla.So what can you do to make a hard situation a little easier? First of all, accept the fact that the reason you are no longer together is that you were never able to problem solve and reconcile your differences. Knowing that can help you shift your expectations that you will now get along, so that you won’t be surprised again and again that that your ex isn’t more accommodating.However when you share children, you do need to work together on some level. The challenge is to be able to promote the children’s relationships with both parents. Avoid badmouthing your ex in front of the children. Also, create a formal custody agreement that clearly works out the details of your arrangement and stick to it. People mistakenly think they can be casual – calling their ex to see if he or she can pick up the kids if they are running behind. Try, instead, to put other support systems in place so you won’t have to do that.

Nobody wants to reach the point where Berry and Aubry now stand. She recently told the New York Times Style magazine that she suffered from a broken “picker” that renders her unable to choose the right men. But maybe now, with an active restraining order in place, she’ll be able to get some space, find some peace, and hopefully have controls in place so everyone can stay out of danger.

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See Dr. Greer’s article on Psychology Today.